Friday, August 28, 2015

Random music musings

It's been a while.

Okay, new music. I haven't been listening to much, but I do like Carrie's new song, as well as the new Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, and I'm looking forward to checking out Maddie & Tae's album. And, oh God, let me get this off my chest before I move on. I really don't get the hate for that Cheerleader song. *ducks* It's about a man appreciating his woman and not wanting to cheat on her. In a world of "these hoes ain't loyal," yeah, ima take that all day. I don't want to hear any of that "it's not feminist if she's a cheerleader!" crap, because it's a hell of a lot more respectful to women than most stuff on the pop charts. It's a little produced for my taste (shocking!!), but at least still has a listenable, smooth reggae sound.

"Smoke Break" captures much of what I like about good country music. And yeah, this song is pretty country by Carrie Underwood standards. It's down to earth. It's relatable. I can easily imagine a 90s star like Trisha or Patty Loveless doing a song with this theme. It's about good people doing what they need to do to cope when life gets hard or when they just need a break. Having an occasional smoke or drink doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't mean you can't love God or your family and still strive to be good. It's a "we're all in this boat" song, and I like that. That's country music, not 24/7 PARTY TIME and pink umbrellas stuck in unfortunate places.

I also like that it's a song by a female artist that's inclusive of everyone, not just a "female empowerment" song. There's nothing wrong with that, but it can wear thin very fast. While this is a powerful song by a female, it doesn't fall into the "Something Bad" trap of triteness. So Carrie Underwood might be the most country thing in the mainstream right now. Let's all just suck on that for a while.

Back to pop. Specifically, this.

Um... is this a lost Howard Jones song? Maybe the Thompson Twins, or Simple Minds? I'm a sucker for 80s cheese so I can't really dislike this, even though it feels like a direct rip-off of a song that doesn't even exist. BUT, what is with the random ALLCAPS? And of a completely nonsensical phrase, no less. WALK THE MOON? That doesn't even make sense in lowercase, why are you shouting it at me!! If you have the audacity to name your band in ALLCAPS, it better damn well be something fitting like STOMP! or OOGA! or EXCUSE ME, YOU SEEM TO HAVE A LIVE PORCUPINE ON YOUR HEAD!

Also, I was watching a random "worst of" music video, and this fell into my lap. If anyone wants to know the kind of music I hate the absolute MOST, even worse than bro-country which at least sounds like it has a pulse, here ya go:

And I'm not even talking about the awful, My Humps-level of embarrassing that is the lyrics. I'll just let that go. Cause it's the "music." Oh dear God, the "music" which I cannot type without sarcasti-quotes. A while ago I wrote about how I think Britney Spears ruined pop music, with her godawful barely-there autotuned "vocals" and barely-there beats to go along with it. Basically, it's a whole lot of not-there. And this woman has out-Britney'd Britney. I didn't think it was possible. So there it is, the absolute lowest form of "music" I can imagine. I'd listen to 10 stupid novelty songs, the entire FGL catalogue and a recording of monkeys scratching their balls (i.e., the entire FGL catalogue) before I'd listen to this again even once. I don't know if they're still doing those dumb breathy vocals, but the barely-there beats are still very much a thing and DEAR GOD HOW I HATE THEM *deep breath*

I apologize for bringing back this 10 year old song like an unexpected outbreak of herpes, but this woman actually still has a career so it's relevant. I also really wanted to talk about how much I hate it and anything like it because OH GOD THE RAGE. I'm gonna go listen to Kick the Dust Up to calm down, that's how angry this makes me.

(Actually to be fair, it was probably Madonna that started the dumb breathy voice thing, when she decided to stop singing actual songs like "Like a Prayer" and went into mealy mouthed crap like "Erotica" and "Justify My Love." But at least she still has a whole catalogue of good pop music. Britney and Ciara (no idea how to pronounce that) just have her sloppy seconds.)

And finally, a few words about Snoop Dogg. One of my mixes has some old Dr. Dre stuff on it so I've been hearing a lot of "Nuthin But a G Thang." And oh, man. Let's just say, Snoop's "featured artist" cred has lost its mojo in the subsequent years . Or we can say, he's totally whored himself out. Whatever. Just how do you go from this, which is pretty much cool personified

to THIS?

It's like being in Reservoir Dogs and then being in Hobgoblins. I DON'T GET IT.

and lol @ "over 500 million views!" I'm sure an especially gorey trainwreck video would get that many too. And Donald Trump gets high ratings. People are stupid. NEXT!

And that's my rants for today. I'm gonna go listen to "Crimson and Clover" on repeat til I get a contact high from whatever the hell they were on when they wrote that song.

Feel Good Friday

I'm still decompressing from my vacation, so I've been wrapping myself in the comfy blanket that is classic rock and soul before I head out to the mountains next week. I'll just say this: there are two kinds of vacations. Going hiking in the Rockies, and the really strenuous ones involving in-laws. Anyway, crimson and clover!

I'm feeling extra generous, so have some Isley Brothers too.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Worst Billboard country top 5 ever???

1 House Party
Sam Hunt

2 Crash And Burn
Thomas Rhett

3 Kick The Dust Up
Luke Bryan

4 Buy Me A Boat
Chris Janson

5 John Cougar, John Deere, John 3:16
Keith Urban

Congratulations, mainstream country! You managed to reach a new low and FGL isn't even there!!

Friday, August 14, 2015

Awww yeah! Feels good!

And on that note, I'm off on vacation!
Ah, my monthly perusal of the charts. I no longer even know anything on the pop charts, other than that awful Taylor Swift song, but there are two songs by something called "Fetty Wap" on there. Pretty sure that's a serious medical condition. Sounds like something you'd expel from your throat after a long bout of bronchitis. Anyway, on to the country charts, where I still at least know who most of the people are... unfortunately.

On the top 25 billboard chart, there are 5 songs I genuinely like - as in I bought them and play them* - a couple I'm indifferent to, a few I haven't listened to, and a whole lotta crap. And I don't think it's unfair to say "Let Me See Ya Girl," "Gonna Wanna Tonight" or anything by Dan + Shay is complete crap without even listening to it. I also haven't heard FGL's latest masterpiece "Anything Goes," so I'm gonna amuse myself by pretending it's the showtune from the 30s.

It's delightful! it's delicious! It's de... sgusting. :(

*Loving You Easy, Girl Crush, Fly, Burning House, and Save it for a Rainy Day are the songs I like.

Chris Young gets my not-so-coveted Most Squandered Talent award. Jake Owen gets the "Huh?" award. Brett Eldredge gets an honorable mention for Most Squandered Talent. Keith Urban gets the "I ripped off American Kids... badly" award. Umm... I don't even know what else to say. I don't really care about the charts anymore, but I am happy to see Cam and Maddie and Tae climbing towards the top 10. They're the only solo or all-female artists in the top 25, which sucks, but I'll at least take their success as a positive. They're new female voices who are actually making interesting music and not just warmed-over pop like that Kelsea whatever.

Kenny Chesney is probably the most country artist on the country charts now. So... yeah. That about sums it up. (No offense to Kenny, I'm a fan, but damn that's a weird perspective.)

Since the number one "country" song is House Party by Sam Hunt... let's have a feel good Friday to ease the pain!

Thursday, August 13, 2015


I love this song, I don't even care.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015


PLL: A show where one's batshit theory involving a sex change actually turns out to be true! :D


Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Bravo! *stands and applauds*

This man is my new hero.

John Brown: News Anchor Walks Off Set During On-Air Discussion of Kardashian Family, Video Shows
“You are on your own, Amy. I can’t do it! I’ve had enough Kardashians! I can’t take anymore Kardashian stories on this show," said the "Good Day Orlando" host said during a segment Friday.

Thank you!! Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if all journalists did this? Just said nope, sorry, I refuse to talk about the Kardashians and the Bachelor and Bristol Palin and Donald Trump and all the rest of the Idiot Nation. These people are attention trolls, and they've done nothing whatsoever to deserve the attention. Their antics just appeal to bored people, I guess?? (I have no idea honestly.) IGNORE THEM AND THEY WILL GO AWAY. This needs to go totally viral. This needs to become a thing. I'll call it "The Great Smartening."

This news anchor gets my coveted Not Stupid Person of the Year Award. This is a great honor. Do not take it lightly.

Thursday, August 06, 2015

TBT ~ Trace Adkins, Alan Jackson, Tracy Lawrence

I recently cleaned out my music collection, removing anything I don't listen to or doesn't make me "feel good." That said, I don't think I removed a single sad country song. I don't know why well-executed songs about loneliness or heartbreak can be so enjoyable to listen to. I guess they resonate with something deep and ineffable inside, like the soul.

Really gorgeous sounding music and vocals don't hurt, either.

Pretty hard to believe that's the "honky tonk badonkadonk" guy.

Where did Tracy Lawrence go, anyway? Can we have him back?

Probably my favorite sad song. This is why we need country music, real country music.

... Like the kind of music that Alan Jackson is still making. This is probably my favorite song of the year so far. This fits so seamlessly into my 90s playlist, but it doesn't sound retro or anything. It just sounds like good country music, the kind that used to be all over radio. I'm sure not nearly as many people will hear this song, or the other good songs on this album, as they would have in 1995. I guess I could be sad about that, but giving up timeless music for trend chasing is their loss, not mine.